Today was the worst experience ever, I was completely man-handled, I don't think they knew what they were doing, I don't think that when Seun was holding me that tightly that I am weak, and that it hurt a lot, and they were doing what society did to me this time last year [when it was at its strongest] restraining me from being me. I can't have my friend, my fucking friend, acting like my bloody brother for God's sake!! 
I don't want to see ANY of them for so long.
I feel helpless and useless.
This is mental rape.
I am dead.
I feel my ghost come back.
Hello relapse.